I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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