hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
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I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
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Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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