Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
