I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
