Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
