can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
