I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize