tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
