eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
