i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
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