I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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