You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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