I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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