There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
