I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
