You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
