Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
