Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize