I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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