she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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