Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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