yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
