...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
