i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
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