I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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