found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
