if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
