So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
