The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
