I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
