Redeem this text for a blowjob
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.