Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
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He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
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Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance