I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.