wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
You coming home soon, man?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.