My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.