Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
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I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship