If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He did a backflip because drugs
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