i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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