my vag is so smooth its legendary
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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