It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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