ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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