So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
