He uses pillows to masturbate.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
