I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
