I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
