In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
