We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
