you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
