Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
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A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
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You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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