I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
