just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
