Just fell off a train. Bad.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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