The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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