well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
