If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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