After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
