We need to start having sex underwater more often.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
