whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
