i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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