I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
