The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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