my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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