It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
