dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
