I think im going to throw up on grandma
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Randomize
