his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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