Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
