you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
