he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
